There is a war inside us

There is war going inside us all the times.

There is a terrain, miles away from here, where the war in going on.

With people killing other people, hating their very own kind with all their might.

Are they hating others or only themselves?

Are they thirsty for power or of feeling worthy?

Are they shedding blood or all the humanity?

Why did we started killing in the first place and stopped killing in the second?

Why is it that despite the centuries of sins and terror we sustained as a race?

Was it an outcome of the deity or our innate need to love each other?

Why are we threatened by the one who is different?

For they are the very reason, this race survived.

If there were no deer there wouldn’t be a beast.

If there were no flowers, there wouldn’t be a tree.

How could we spare the time to hate each other when we have so little time left with us and the people, who are also in this little time, longing for nothing but love?

We didn’t forgive the one who hurt us or could we not forgive ourselves?

Our naïve selves that did not know any better, our innocent hearts that fell in the ploy of being alive; that is inherently capable of making mistakes for the sake of survival.

Embracing Pink Upon Coming Out

Photo by Anna Shvets on Pexels.com

As a teenager I used to wear nothing but black. Apart from school uniforms all my cloths let it pants, t-shirts, caps, even shoes used to be black. I did not think twice when I had buy cloths, I knew I felt “comfortable” in the colour. However, it was not long ago that I realized wearing black was much deeper for me than the colour itself.

Upon growing up, the more and more I understood about people and myself, I realized how different I am than others. In teens especially, I could not connect to exploration about the body and tendencies that most people around me felt. I neither fit into hetero-normative ideas nor into the box of woman.

Wearing cloths that were black, represented darkness, it stood for being invisible. I was trying to be invisible all those years. I did not liked to be seen, for one reason, I saw no scenario that I could ever be seen. I knew the moment I would show the world who I am, I would be ripped into pieces, that I would die either of violence or because of shame. Black was also mourning for the death of the part of me that could never see light and colours.

Coming out as gay, when it happened, it felt like a ray of light, like the one that falls on your face that wakes you up early morning. And when that moment happened, the space that was once darkness was filled with colours. Not instantaneously, maybe not even for a long time, but it did.

After coming out, I started to see the beauty in colours. As if I could feel, the pride flag is colourful for a reason. In the shopping mall, I picked up a plain pink t-shirt. I wore it and looked in the mirror, it looked so different on me, in the most beautiful possible way. A tear rolled through my eyes with my arms embracing my body. Almost feeling sorry for being hidden for so long and feeling utter joy that I made it till here, at the same time.

I used to be repelled by pink, more than any colour. I did not want to be in the “feminine” box more than masculine, I felt it was for the “weak”. But to see that colour on me, and to feel it deeper in my skin, was a moment of acceptance of every part that I had denied; the femininity, the beauty, the emotions, the nurturing, the love inside me. I wouldn’t choose to go back in the dark, not even for a second.

Why coming out is important?

Coming out is hard, but what comes next is not easy either. To not find people like you, to feel alienated, to wait for approval of people you know, to get rid of shame and internal homophobia and what if the world doesn’t like you?
So why come out? Why tell people who you are if marginally people have hard time accepting it-
Because it’s okay to be who you are. It is okay to tell rather than hiding. Closet is a very suffocating place and one might not know unless one has been there. Coming out has more to do with loving yourself than approval of others. It is about your need of being honest with yourself and with others and embracing your trueself. Realizing that you’re not less of a person just because you’re different and you deserve just as much happiness as any other person. And your simply coming out may empower several others to be their trueself, not just with their identity or sexuality but also with their quirks and peculiar qualities and the world may not seem as dark as it seems.

“Every time someone steps up and says who they are, the world becomes a better, more interesting place. So thank you.” – Captain Holt, Brooklyn Nine Nine.